FINALLY! the all-star season is here! As Tyra informed us in her ever-embarrassing intro clip, she has been haunted by the grim specters of models past — haven’t we all? — and finally gave in to the idea of an all-star season to bring back past would-be catwalkers. I’m sure that decision had nothing to do with the series’ flagging ratings in recent years. Tyra said multiple times throughout the premiere that she has brought back “all your favorites,” and that’s patently not true. the total absence of anyone from cycles 3 or 6 – generally considered the best of the bunch – is proof of that, as is the glaring omission of Jade Cole, arguably the most memorable contestant this show has ever produced, for good or ill. (Jade reportedly passed on this season because the contract was not to her liking. I can’t decide if I’m proud of or disappointed with her.)
That said, the group of returning hamsters that Tyra put together is more impressive than I initially expected. all of them made a mark in their original season, some of them actually have some real modeling potential, and all of them are either likable, entertaining, crazy, or a combination of all three. Here’s the list, along with my thoughts on how they’ve changed since their original seasons:
Angelea (Cycle 14): Let’s just get this out of the way – I can’t stand Angelea. at least not the version of her “Top Model” puts out there. she seems almost proud to be ignorant and loves talking shit behind people’s backs without having the goods to back it up. that said, I thought she looked pretty this episode. the hair color and cut is really working for her, and she’s upped her style game. Angelea was first in the house, presumably because she’s got something to say about everybody. But curiously, almost nobody had anything to say about her. I think she’s in for a wake-up call this season.
Laura (Cycle 13): the adorable bumpkin runner-up from the short cycle. she looks like she’s lost some weight. I love Laura, but she doesn’t have a prayer in this competition. at least Grandma Wanda Sue’s fashions will be getting another solid pimping for a few weeks.
Bianca (Cycle 9): Angelea immediately called her out as being “good at being fake” – Angelea would know – but Bianca has also been good at actually getting modeling jobs since her season, and has worked steadily, especially on the runway. she had a notorious airport brawl with the star of “Hairspray” (seriously, I can’t make this shit up), and Tyra kept talking this episode about how much Bianca has changed for the better since her initial cycle. show me the receipts, Tyra, because Bianca was throwing some serious shade within seconds of entering this new house.
Lisa (Cycle 5): Lisa’s post-show career includes recording an album and a stint on “Celebrity Rehab” (sadness). I want more from her, because she is wildly entertaining. the diaper-peeing incident immediately came back to haunt her, as several of the girls in the house looked down on her. My question: did she bring Cousin It?
Bre (Cycle 5): Bre has had quite a bit of post-show success, frequently appearing in national commercials. I’m kind of stunned that she’s here. Here’s an interesting twist: Bianca and Bre are best friends now and live together in Chicago; they call each other sister. there was minor drama when she arrived, because Bre did not tell Bianca she was involved in this. If you think for one second that the two of them will not end up in the Bottom 2 at some point during this season, you don’t know Tyra Banks.
Brittany (Cycle 4): I adore Brittany, one of the highlights of her overwhelmingly weak cycle (my first; you always remember your first). she has not aged terribly well, but she seems to have gotten her shit together based on her talking heads.
Dominique (Cycle 10): If we cannot have Jade, I will gladly accept the discount-bin version of her, Delusional Dominique. But seriously, Dom looks great, especially given that she just had a baby two months prior to filming. Since C10 ended Dom won the “Modelville” spinoff Tyra ran on her former talk show. Brazilia to you, Dominique!
Sheena (Cycle 11): One of only a handful of Asian contestants ever on this show, Sheena was initially criticized for her overt sexuality. she says she’s done national runway and commercials since leaving the show, but I found it hard to listen to her because her lipstick was so bad, and so terribly applied. Girl. Fix your grill.
Isis (Cycle 11): Since her original stint Isis had her a gender-reassignment surgery, and really, she looks great. Isis says she has embraced sexuality and grown into being the woman she always knew she was. good on her. No mention of post-show modeling work, but she has become a motivational speaker.
Kayla (Cycle 15): Kayla said that the other models didn’t recognize her because of her new black hair (as opposed to the Ronald McDonald red Tyra gave her in C15), but I think it’s more likely that the girls from the earlier cycles haven’t watched some of the later ones. I imagine it must be weird to be on a show like this, for it to be such a monumental part of your life, and then have it go on with dozens and dozens of other girls. anyway, Kayla looks good, although the jury is out on the black hair. (Definitely better than the red, though.)
Allison (Cycle 12): looks basically the same, and has kept the blond hair but ditched the awful extensions. she says she has been doing a lot of art stuff since her season aired.
Camille (Cycle 2): looks pretty good for being the oldest contestant there, now in her early 30s. there were some vague allusions to modeling overseas post-show. Camille remains one of the series’ great house bitches, and her reputation preceded her: she was given a frigid reception, especially by Bianca who REALLY does not seem to like her. I thought she came off sweet and laid back in this episode.
Shannon (Season 1): Shannon also looks good for someone who was originally on this show almost a decade ago. she mentioned that she currently has a modeling agency and again brought up the no-nudity thing. I’m sad that the show chooses to define her that way, since beyond that she’s gorgeous and worked the hell out of that runway in the first season finale.
Alexandria (Cycle 16): her season hadn’t even finished airing when Alexandria signed on for this one. she apparently felt that her quotes were misconstrued the first time around, which the producers answered by immediately segueing into some of her greatest hits, including, “I am not one to be fucked with.” in other words, Alexandria can expect more of the same. And maybe she should stop giving them ammunition. (Tough to misconstrue the quotes they showed.)
After room selection mr. Jay came into the house, which is like some crazy-ass “Sunset Boulevard” mansion. It’s an appropriate setting given that this cycle is focusing less on modeling, and more on the idea of star quality/celebrity, per mr. Jay. This is actually a shrewd move on Tyra’s part (and whatever else you say about Ms. Banks, you must admit that she’s quite savvy). on the face of it, having an “all-star” season featuring past contestants trying for one more shot at a modeling career is something like an admission that the show has not succeeded in its supposed goal, to establish up-and-coming high-fashion models. And it’s true that the success rate of the contestants – even winners — in the couture world, at least, has been less than stellar (although there have been some notable breakthroughs, like Elyse, Mollie Sue, etc.). But the show has succeeded in creating a decent number of alums that gone on to success in other areas of show business, including reality TV (Adrianne Curry, Tocarra Jones), acting (Yaya DaCosta, Analeigh Tipton), hosting (Eva Marcille), and more commercial modeling (C2′s Mercedes, C3′s Ann was all over the place a few months ago), just to name a few. Here Tyra is essentially reorienting viewers’ expectations that this show is about breaking into the entertainment industry in general. That’s actually brilliant.
But is it entertaining? Given the number of crazy people in the house this season I found the first episode to be kind of dull – I was expecting fireworks right off the bat, which was perhaps unfair. But things got much livelier once the show moved to its first-ever live judging at a mall in LA, which featured rapper Nicki Minaj as guest judge. Minaj is a genius choice. First, she actually is relevant in the fashion world right now – just this week she was sitting next to Vogue’s Anna Wintour at Fashion Week, dressed in something that looked like she rolled in the Trix bunny’s droppings. But more than that, her career is arguably more a product of her relentless self-promotion and attention-grabbing personality than it is about her musical talent, so she knows what it means to have star quality. She’s also a self-confessed fan of the show, and sister knows how to critique a photo. she was great. As for the regular panel, Tyra continues to be joined by Andre Leon Talley and Nigel Barker, who now has a full head of hair with a dubious hairline. I really can’t talk about it.
The first photo shoot was a total dud. the girls were asked to portray larger-than-life versions of their original “Top Model” personas. This made sense for some. Lisa was the wild child, Brittany the party girl, Kayla the proud lesbian. (And points to her for being self-effacing about her unyielding lesbian-centric arc in Cycle 15.) It was less successful for many of the others, mostly because they couldn’t do five different versions of “over-the-top asshole.” So you had some stupid “personas” like masculine/feminine (Dominique), Harlem but not hoochie (Sheena), etc. And apparently Isis’s “persona” was “confidence,” which she translated into being on all fours with her legs sticking up in the air. I don’t even know.
The main drama from the first shoot came courtesy of o.g. “Top Model” Shannon, who was supposed to portray “angelic” and was asked to dress in a pretty cool Christian Siriano-style mega-ruffly shirt and lacy underpants, but who refused to wear the underwear in public. instead she demanded to shoot in a pair of tiny, tiny bikini bottoms that covered much less than the underwear she was given. This led to her getting defensive in a talking-head, saying that mr. Jay is always trying to make her do things she doesn’t want to do. Jay called her “confused,” pointing out the stupidity of freaking out over underwear, but not even skimpier swimsuits. This same diagnosis came up at panel. I don’t think Shannon’s confused at all. I think she’s stubborn and dogmatic. I think she came into this expecting that the show would try to push her buttons with the nudity thing again – which is not at all what was happening here – and instead of actually thinking about the coverage issue, she dug in her heels and made some stupid stand just to seem principled. she literally burst into tears over this. Listen, I like Shannon. I think she’s gorgeous and sweet. And I think she’ll probably go far in this competition, if not win it (Tyra would love to further erase Adrianne’s victory from this show’s history). But this was not a great reintroduction to her, and I hope this is the last of this whole stupid anti-nudity thing we see this season. I get that she doesn’t want to pose naked. Fine, she’s had a successful career without doing so. But there is more to Shannon than that and I’d genuinely like to get to see that again over the next few months.
More drama came via the live runway show, where Alexandria was loudly booed by at least one member of the crowd, and told to “fuck off.” she was visibly startled and on the verge of tears, but she regained her composure quite quickly. good on her. she broke down in the talking-head interview, calling it hurtful “high-school drama.” I didn’t watch her original cycle, but I genuinely felt for her in that moment.
After the live show the audience was polled about their favorites and least favorites, and that information was taken into consideration at judging, in addition to the (mostly underwhelming) photos. Interesting to note: Allison was deemed the all-time favorite by the crowd (this seemed to surprise Tyra), while Brittany allegedly did not get a single comment from the audience.
There was quite a bit of speculation about what the prizes would be for this cycle, since several of these girls are already working models with agencies. several of them are also fairly old by modeling standards. I was surprised and impressed to learn that the spread in Italian Vogue and cover of Beauty in Vogue continue to be in the mix, plus a blog on the Italian Vogue website. That’s pretty awesome. the winner also gets a celebrity correspondent gig for “Extra,” plus a national campaign with Express. Smart. And the $100,000 contract with Cover Girl is still there, which shocks me. those are some damned good prizes.
Callouts: Isis got best photo! that is some bullshit. I like Isis, but that photo was bizarre, and not in a good way. It was a bizarre in a, “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing” kind of way. then Allison, Camille, Lisa (too high given her waste of a shot), Angelea, Laura, Bre (should have been higher), Bianca (ditto), Shannon (surprised she escaped the bottom), Dominique (should have been higher; great face shot for her), Sheena (really amateurish photo), and Kayla, leaving Alexandria and Brittany in the bottom. This elimination was clearly not about photos, although neither of their chosen shots were strong. This was about who connected with that crowd, and as Alexandria smartly pointed out, it’s bullshit that she could go home because some asshole she’s never met has an irrational hatred of her.
Ultimately Alexandria was saved because of her “polarity” – people both love or hate her. And poor Brittany was eliminated first. That’s too bad, because honestly Brittany should have won her cycle, or at least have been in the Final 3. she was shocked, and pointed out that it’s unfair that the reason she went home first was people didn’t remember her. “Maybe I should have peed in a diaper.” HA! I will sincerely miss her crazy ass.
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